Category: Parenting

Today, we face the most devastating epidemic ever to sweep our planet.  It costs us more each year in dollars and lives than any plague in the history of mankind.  Tragically, unlike AIDS, the cure is simple and effective and can be found in the pages of the Bible, yet the plague continues to grow day by day, year after year, generation upon generation.

Beginning with Dr. Spock’s book in 1946, there has been a trend toward permissiveism in parenting styles.  It’s become more about how your child feels than who your child becomes.  There are  somewhere around 22,200,000 books and articles you can purchase that claim to contain expert advise on how to raise your child.   The question is what is the source of their “expertise”?

If your car is broken, you take it to a mechanic who gets out the Manufacturer’s Repair & Maintenance Manual, reads how to fix what’s wrong and then does it.  What would happen if you took your car to a mechanic and he pulled out a cookbook?  “I’m sorry,” he’d say, “I can’t seem to find your problem, that will be $100.”  Would you take your car back to him the next time it broke down?  And yet, we practice this very same exercise in futility so often in our daily lives. “Oh no, you say?”  We do it every time we allow the world to offer solutions to our daily problems, particularly in the areas of human relationships and the family.  All we need to do when we are experiencing a breakdown (problem in our life) is to get out the Manufacturer’s Repair & Maintenance Manual (The Bible), and do what it says.  If God created us, surely He knows what it takes to keep us up and running properly.  Yet. it is so tragic that so few opt to take this easy cure.  And so the epidemic of divorce, heartbreak, and rebellion continues to spread at a maddening pace.

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”   Ephesians 6:12

It is up to us as parents to rise up and say “Enough is enough!” The truth is we live in a duel world which is both spiritual and physical at the same time, and while there are very real spiritual forces at work, we must be careful not to use them as a scapegoat.  The best starting point is to give credit where credit is due, in reality, most of our problems are more likely based in our own selfishness and a lifetime of false filters that alter our world view, than in a spiritual attack. However, there is no mistaking that we are in the midst of a great battle for our homes and families. We must purpose in our hearts to put our families and our homes on the firm foundation of God’s Word and keep our priorities right.  It is our only hope of survival.

When was the last time you told your child that you loved them? Not with a new toy or gift, but with your mouth and with your time. Things can’t replace your time and attention. Have you ever told your child, “Of all the children on the planet I am so grateful to God that He gave you to me to parent.”
Let your child know that he is a priority to you. Most rebellion has it’s root in hurt and bitterness caused by unfulfilled promises, the feeling of being unimportant or undervalued, divorce etc. Telling isn’t enough, it’s a start, but not enough. The only way you show your child that they are a priority is by an investment of yourself and your time.

The short time that you have with your children can never be relived. Believe me, if you’re a young parent it goes so fast that before you know it you’re sitting at their graduation wondering where the time went? Don’t make these thoughts ones of regret. Invest wisely. Invest in your children’s lives, you’ll never regret it. I would never encourage anyone to be a poor housekeeper, but I will never forget something a friend of mine once told me. “Your children won’t remember what the house looked like, but they will remember the time that you spent with them.” Please keep this statement in balance. If your home looks like the city dump and your children are ashamed to bring their friends home, get out that shovel and get busy because our homes are supposed to be a haven for our families. But if no one is allowed to sit on the furniture, ask God to forgive you for your misplaced values and loosen up a little. I remember when I was growing up, we had two chairs in our front room that no one, except company could sit in. I’d say, “Mom, why do you have chairs if you can’t sit in them?” I didn’t grow up in a home, I grew up in a museum. The rules of the house were don’t touch, don’t sit, don’t breathe. We had a beautiful house, but it wasn’t a home. Keep your priorities straight, keep first things first. Your priorities should be: God, your spouse, your children, then your career and down the line. Anything else is out of balance. When things are out of balance life doesn’t work well. Think of your tires when they are out of balance, they can make a 3,000 pound car shimmy and shake. Keep your family in spiritual balance, you’ll avoid the pitfalls and traps the enemy is trying to set for you and your family. Make it a habit to tell your kids you love and believe in them often. Then follow up your words with the undeniable proof . . . your time. Again, our priorities should be: God, spouse, kids, then everything else.
Anything else is out of order. You teach your kids about marriage by how you treat your spouse. Treat your spouse like you would would want to see your kids treating their spouses. It’s the biggest favor that you can ever do for them. You will spend the rest of your life with your spouse. Your kids will only be in your home for a few years. Don’t build your life around your kids exclusively or you’ll find yourself staring at a stranger when the nest is empty. Date your spouse for the rest of your life. Make your priority a healthy family.
Excerpt from “Parenting Through the Mirror” to be released later this year.

Isn’t it strange how you think you have parenting nailed down with your first child, and then another child comes along and breaks all the rules you thought you had figured out? Little Johnny is confident, then along comes little Mary, and you’d think you beat her daily. She has no self esteem at all. Our first-born had the energy of three kids, he was born angry because he couldn’t walk and he worked insistently toward mobility until he literally ran at nine months. I have a picture of him at just a few weeks old with his head up looking over the edge of his basinet. At least his eager persistence got me wall to wall carpeting. It was like making him a padded room so he wouldn’t kill himself. He was the textbook strong-willed child. He knew what he wanted and look out if you got in between him and his goal. Then our daughter came along and if you even indicated that you might be even slightly displeased with what she had done, she was crushed. If we had handled her in the same manner as our son, we would have destroyed her. Heather was disciplined to the max, detail oriented, don’t dare tell her it was three when it was three and a quarter. Then along came number three, and life was good for him, he was mister even keel, happy and stable. He rarely needed correction or discipline, but he needed motivation. So with every child we had to adjust our approach. Think of Jesus, He never dealt with two people in the same way. In Mark 8:32 we find Jesus healing a blind man by spitting in his eyes, shortly after that in Mark 10, he heals Bartimaeus by just saying “Your faith made you well.” In John 9, He makes mud with spit and dirt and puts it into the guys eyes and he is healed. Three men and three different solutions to the same problem. If Jesus wasn’t married to cutter cutter techniques we shouldn’t be either. Our children are unique and special creations with individual giftings and callings. We need to treat each one as a rare and precious gift. “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14 We are also responsible before God to seek Him for direction for each of our children. And when we get stumped, who better to ask for advice than the Creator?

Can you feel it? That twinge of coolness in the air signaling that Fall is just around the corner. The kids are back in school, vacations are over, and life is settling back into a steady hum. Oh, my this all means the holidays are just around the corner! Another year more than half spent. The Lord exhorts us to redeem the time. Each day is a precious gift and we can get so caught up in the mundane daily routines that we can let many of those precious days slip through our fingers like sand. Don’t fall into the routine trap, find ways to make each day fun, exciting, and unpredictable for your family. It doesn’t have to be extravagant to make a great memory, making Smores over the fire pit in the backyard can be a great family time and create a lasting memory. One of our kids favorites was putting up a tent in the backyard and having a backyard camp out.  Treasure each day as a gift and make them count. Please share your ideas – two heads are better than one!  What are some of your favorite ways to invest in your family at this time of year? Do you have any favorite spots or traditions you’d like to pass on? 

This month’s topic for our Vibrant Newsletter was Back-to-School, and as I started researching for my article I found tons of valuable information that just wouldn’t fit into a 200 word article. Over the year’s I’ve noticed going back to school seems to be a really big stressful deal for many families. In fact, at some churches I’ve worked at, it seems to be such a monumental deal that it even affects church attendance for weeks! Whoa! Can you say modeling wrong priorities? If getting your kids ready for the school year is stressing you out, stop, do not pass go, and do not collect $200. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is not a big deal, you just need a bird’s eye overview and a simple plan. Remember, you can do all things through Christ!

Start with taking some time a write down every detail of what needs to be accomplished before school starts. Then prioritize it, for example, if your child needs a physical, this will take more time than running to Walmart to pick up some school supplies. You need to make an appointment most of the time, so on your timeline, items like this come first. Then do you need to register or sign up for activities like sports? Of course, you’ll have some shopping for clothes and supplies. To help my budget, I used to pick up one or two items my kids needed each time I shopped for groceries. This really took the sting out of the wallet because it spread the expense out in small bite sized chunks. Plus, I hate shopping, so it eliminated that marathon feel from the whole experience.

Once you get a prioritized list, turn it into a checklist, not a general one, but one that contains all the details you’ll need to no item is forgotten or over looked. Don’t forget the check box. It’s such a feeling of power and accomplishment to check each item off as you complete the task. Then, there it is all on one page. Here’s an abbreviated sample:

Appointment for Bobbie’s physical – Dr Jones – August 2nd @ 2 p.m.

Sign up for soccer team – August 5th @ 4 p.m. Haley Field

Shorts for Bobbie – size 8-10 – blue with white stripe

If your child suffers from anxiety about going to school there are some great resources on the internet that will give you some great ideas. Here are some I found. In your conversations, always speak positively about the upcoming school experience. Don’t fall into the trap of letting your child’s anxiety manipulate you. For example, if they cry about getting on the bus, don’t give in, make them get on the bus with reassuring words like, “ You are going to have a great time. I believe in you, you can do this. I’ll see you before you know it and you can tell me all about the exciting things you did and learned.” This is a good opportunity to bring some spiritual application into the experience. Have your child learn some “anti-fear” Scriptures so they have them in the arsenal when fear tries to attack them. “Fear not for I am with you.” Isaiah 41:10, and “God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 are just a couple. Also driving them to the school in advance and maybe playing on the playground, or looking in the classrooms may help relieve some of their tension. Even if your child is not experiencing apprehension, it’s a great opportunity to discuss the spiritual challenges they may face in the school setting and to coach them, not nag, on making Godly choices and being an example. If you’ve never taught your kids about standing alone, this would be a great time to do it. It’s our job as parents to set our kids up for success by teaching them the “whys” and “hows” of making Godly decisions.

Another great idea is to begin to slowly adjust bedtime back from summer mode to school mode, so that by the time school starts the kids are already back in their routine.

Over the summer vacation, your kid’s brains can turn to mush. They are most likely out of the classroom discipline mode of daily studies and like any muscle, your mind needs consistent exercise to stay strong. If your kids begin reading everyday and then either discussing or writing about what they read, they can start the year off ahead of the game. You may want them to also start doing a few math problems as well as any other subjects that your child might struggle with. Even if they excel, they can still get rusty.

Here are some helpful websites. http://schoolfamily.com/, http://www.ehow.com/how_2252939_get-ones-child-ready-back.html, the parentsite.com,

So getting ready for Back-To School is really no big thing if you do just a minimal amount of planning and organization. You will set up a win for both you and your child!