Last time we talked about the power of our words and we asked ourselves “What are we naming things?” Today, we’re going to discuss another important principle. Are you ready for principle number two?
#2 – Implement the 90/10 Principle
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get focused on the things your loved ones do wrong? I believe one of the most common reasons is wrong focus (thinking) or self focus (thinking). Most parents realize that their kids are a reflection of them, and if their kid looks bad, they look bad. This may even be at a subconscious level.
In any case, this can make you focus on the 10% of their behavior that’s wrong instead of the 90% of their behavior that’s right. Let’s call that the 10/90 Principle. Its the little voice in your head that’s screaming, “You’re making me look bad with that 10%.” Here’s the problem with that. Whatever you focus on becomes the focus. It gets bigger.
Think of your own life, when someone, a parent, a spouse, a boss, tends to focus on what you do wrong and never or rarely praises for what you do right, what happens? You feel defeated! Right? It either makes you feel mad or it makes you want to give up. That’s why the Word says in
Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. msg
While you can’t ignore disobedience, and we’ll hit that one at a later date,. you need to focus far more of your energy on encouraging and coaching them in what they are doing right. There are already enough sources telling them everything they do wrong. Besides, when we focus primarily on what they do wrong, it creates a defeated spirit and can ultimately lead to rebellion. When we focus on the 90% right, the 10% usually self corrects. So make a choice to affirm what they do right daily and tell them. Here’s an assignment: Pray and ask God to show you all the great qualities in your child, or your spouse for that matter, and then make a list of them and thank God for them everyday. It will reprogram your thinking and get you out of this rut. Decide to implement the 90/10 principle today!