How To Have The Family You’ve Always Dreamed Of – Part 2

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Last time we talked about the power of our words and we asked ourselves “What are we naming things?”  Today, we’re going to discuss another important principle.  Are you ready for principle number two?

#2 – Implement the 90/10 Principle

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get focused on the things your loved ones do wrong?  I believe one of the most common reasons is wrong focus (thinking) or self focus (thinking). Most parents realize that their kids are a reflection of them, and if their kid looks bad, they look bad.  This may even be at a subconscious level.

In any case, this can make you focus on the 10% of their behavior that’s wrong instead of the 90% of their behavior that’s right.  Let’s call that the 10/90 Principle. Its the little voice in your head that’s screaming, “You’re making me look bad with that 10%.”  Here’s the problem with that.  Whatever you focus on becomes the focus.  It gets bigger.

Think of your own life, when someone, a parent, a spouse, a boss, tends to focus on what you do wrong and never or rarely praises for what you do right, what happens?  You feel defeated!  Right?  It either makes you feel mad or it makes you want to give up. That’s why the Word says in

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. msg

While you can’t ignore disobedience, and we’ll hit that one at a later date,. you need to focus far more of your energy on encouraging and coaching them in what they are doing right.  There are already enough sources telling them everything they do wrong. Besides, when we focus primarily on what they do wrong, it creates a defeated spirit and can ultimately lead to rebellion.  When we focus on the 90% right, the 10% usually self corrects. So make a choice to affirm what they do right daily and tell them.  Here’s an assignment: Pray and ask God to show you all the great qualities in your child, or your spouse for that matter, and then make a list of them and thank God for them everyday. It will reprogram your thinking and get you out of this rut. Decide to implement the 90/10 principle today!

How To Have The Family You’ve Always Dreamed Of – Part 1

thEarly on we had a revelation that our children were going to become who we were, not who we told them to be. and that our influence would be directly proportional to our obedience.  We were in agreement that we wanted to raise our kids God’s way.  So, we dove into the Word, especially Proverbs, and soaked it in . . . we were clueless, all we knew is if the Book said it, we’d should do it.  Proverbs 22:6, really stood out to us.

Proverbs 22:6

Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost. msg

As we studied, we began to see our job as not regulating but coaching and training.

Over the years, we adopted these principles into our parenting and they were huge, so I want to pass them on to you over the next few weeks.

# 1 – The Name It Principle

“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.”  Proverbs 18:21 Message Bible

God shows us his intentions for mankind in the Book of Genesis.  He had just finished creating virtually everything.  He did not need any help, yet he assigned Adam the creative task of naming all the animals.

Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name.

Genesis 2:19 NKJV

Here God gave us the “Name It Principle” (The principle of creation.)  Remember, we are created in His image just like Adam.  Whatever Adam named the animals, that’s what they were called.  God was teaching the created how to create.  This is the same principle that God used when He created everything.  When He gave it to Adam, He gave it to us.

What do you name it?

Here’s an example:

God brings an opportunity to one man and says, “What do you name it?”

The man says, “That’s impossible. it can’t be done, it is way too hard.”

Then He brings the exact same opportunity to someone else and asks the same question, “What do you name it?”

This guy says, “This is the opportunity I’ve been looking for for years!  I can’t believe how lucky I am.  I can do this!!!”

The same opportunities, vastly different results.  It’s the way you think that makes the difference.  It all starts with a thought.

Let’s take this principle to our parenting.  God gives you a child and says, “What do you name him?”

Do you name him “Can’t you do anything right?”  or “What is wrong with you? I’ve told you 1,000 times.”  or possibly worst of all, “I wish you’d never been born.”

And realize, sometimes it is not the direct words you speak, but how your child filters what you say that makes it reality for them.

On the other hand, you could name your child what the Bible says:

You’re the head and not the tail.

You are more than a conquerer

You are made for greatness.

You have the mind of Christ.

“God has an amazing plan for your life.”  He is going to use you to change the world and impact thousands of lives.”

What you focus on (think about), and what you say is what you get.  A thought gives birth to words, and words give birth to actions. It’s the principle of creation at work.

So why do we sometimes speak words that kill instead of words that give life?