Posted in Encouragement, Leadership, Parenting, Success

How To Have The Family You’ve Always Dreamed Of – Part 2


Last time we talked about the power of our words and we asked ourselves “What are we naming things?”  Today, we’re going to discuss another important principle.  Are you ready for principle number two?

#2 – Implement the 90/10 Principle

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get focused on the things your loved ones do wrong?  I believe one of the most common reasons is wrong focus (thinking) or self focus (thinking). Most parents realize that their kids are a reflection of them, and if their kid looks bad, they look bad.  This may even be at a subconscious level.

In any case, this can make you focus on the 10% of their behavior that’s wrong instead of the 90% of their behavior that’s right.  Let’s call that the 10/90 Principle. Its the little voice in your head that’s screaming, “You’re making me look bad with that 10%.”  Here’s the problem with that.  Whatever you focus on becomes the focus.  It gets bigger.

Think of your own life, when someone, a parent, a spouse, a boss, tends to focus on what you do wrong and never or rarely praises for what you do right, what happens?  You feel defeated!  Right?  It either makes you feel mad or it makes you want to give up. That’s why the Word says in

Ephesians 6:4 – Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. msg

While you can’t ignore disobedience, and we’ll hit that one at a later date,. you need to focus far more of your energy on encouraging and coaching them in what they are doing right.  There are already enough sources telling them everything they do wrong. Besides, when we focus primarily on what they do wrong, it creates a defeated spirit and can ultimately lead to rebellion.  When we focus on the 90% right, the 10% usually self corrects. So make a choice to affirm what they do right daily and tell them.  Here’s an assignment: Pray and ask God to show you all the great qualities in your child, or your spouse for that matter, and then make a list of them and thank God for them everyday. It will reprogram your thinking and get you out of this rut. Decide to implement the 90/10 principle today!


S. Courtney Lawson Writer and speaker Sandy Lawson recently hit two best-seller lists with the new business book, "Transform," co-authored with best-selling author and speaker Brian Tracy. Sandy Lawson serves as a Care Pastor at Element Church, in Wentzville Missouri, one of the fastest growing churches America. Sandy recently joined noted business development expert, best-selling author and speaker, Brian Tracy, along with a select group of the world's leading experts, to co-author the book titled, Transform: The World's Leading Entrepreneurs and Professionals Get to the Heart and Soul of Transforming your Life, Business & Health. The book was released on September 18, 2014 by CelebrityPress™ - a leading business book publisher. On the day of release, Transform reached best-seller status in two categories - reaching as high as #6 in the "Direct Marketing" category. The book also reached best-seller status in the "Marketing and Small Business" category. Sandy contributed a chapter titled, "The Relationship Transformation...Taking Relationships From Terminal to Transformed." Sandy Lawson has over 30 years of experience partnering with her husband, Kip, in family ministry and outreach. She's had the privilege of serving on staff at three mega churches prior to Element Church. In addition, she and her husband also had the honor of building the bus ministry of the Oneighty Youth Group at Church on the Move in Tulsa, Oklahoma from 400 riders weekly to nearly 1,500 riders each week. Her biggest joy is coaching people in their personal relationships and helping them reach their God-given potential. She and her husband have helped hundreds of couples turn failing marriages into happily-ever-afters, as well as assisting parents in their quest to create healthy thriving families. In their career, Sandy and her husband have been a major influence in the lives of thousands of children, teens, and adults around the world. Sandy is the mother of three, and the grandmother of eight wonderful grandkids. She and her husband have been married over 46 years. She is the author of a parenting book, "Parenting Through the Mirror" which explores the concept that great parenting must begin with personal transformation. She is also the author and illustrator of a children's geology book, "Iggy and the Volcano" that teaches kids the cycle of igneous rocks. Sandy is a freelance writer, speaker, blogger and was a major contributor to an internationally distributed children's curriculum. After such a successful release, Sandy Lawson will once again be recognized by The National Academy of Best-Selling Authors™, an organization that honors authors from many of the leading independent best-seller lists.

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