An attitude of gratitude does not come naturally for most of us. It’s the same with our kids. Gratitude must be taught, but it also is something that is caught. This can be a real mirror moment for us as parents, especially if we tend to be the “glass is half empty types.” A grateful heart is so important to the life success of our kids, its imperative that we model this vital quality to them.
I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “count your blessings” but how often do you really take the time to do it. Counting your blessings is one sure way to develop a constant mind-set of gratitude, which can turn a mundane life into a miraculous life. Here’s an easy way that you can “infect” your family with gratitude. Each night, when you sit down for dinner, or a time during the day when your family is together, have each family member, Mom and Dad included, share one thing they are grateful for from their day. Keep a journal of the responses. Each day, each person must share something different than what they’ve shared before. It can be things as simple as “Bobby shared his chocolate chip cookie with me.” At the end of the week, review all the items that have been shared with the family. You’ll be amazed at how many things you have to be grateful for. This process will begin to shift your family’s focus from what they do not have to a grateful attitude for the many blessings that were right under their nose all the time.
Author: scourtneylawson
S. Courtney Lawson
Writer and speaker Sandy Lawson recently hit two Amazon.com best-seller lists with the new business book, "Transform," co-authored with best-selling author and speaker Brian Tracy.
Sandy Lawson serves as a Care Pastor at Element Church, in Wentzville Missouri, one of the fastest growing churches America. Sandy recently joined noted business development expert, best-selling author and speaker, Brian Tracy, along with a select group of the world's leading experts, to co-author the book titled, Transform: The World's Leading Entrepreneurs and Professionals Get to the Heart and Soul of Transforming your Life, Business & Health. The book was released on September 18, 2014 by CelebrityPress™ - a leading business book publisher.
On the day of release, Transform reached best-seller status in two Amazon.com categories - reaching as high as #6 in the "Direct Marketing" category. The book also reached best-seller status in the "Marketing and Small Business" category. Sandy contributed a chapter titled, "The Relationship Transformation...Taking Relationships From Terminal to Transformed."
Sandy Lawson has over 30 years of experience partnering with her husband, Kip, in family ministry and outreach. She's had the privilege of serving on staff at three mega churches prior to Element Church. In addition, she and her husband also had the honor of building the bus ministry of the Oneighty Youth Group at Church on the Move in Tulsa, Oklahoma from 400 riders weekly to nearly 1,500 riders each week.
Her biggest joy is coaching people in their personal relationships and helping them reach their God-given potential. She and her husband have helped hundreds of couples turn failing marriages into happily-ever-afters, as well as assisting parents in their quest to create healthy thriving families. In their career, Sandy and her husband have been a major influence in the lives of thousands of children, teens, and adults around the world. Sandy is the mother of three, and the grandmother of eight wonderful grandkids. She and her husband have been married over 46 years.
She is the author of a parenting book, "Parenting Through the Mirror" which explores the concept that great parenting must begin with personal transformation. She is also the author and illustrator of a children's geology book, "Iggy and the Volcano" that teaches kids the cycle of igneous rocks. Sandy is a freelance writer, speaker, blogger and was a major contributor to an internationally distributed children's curriculum.
After such a successful release, Sandy Lawson will once again be recognized by The National Academy of Best-Selling Authors™, an organization that honors authors from many of the leading independent best-seller lists.
The Truth About Lies
Modeling integrity at every level is critical to your parenting arsenal. As a Children’s Pastor, I found that the besetting sin of most children was lying. They will look you right in the eye and lie and not even blink an eye. In our post Christian culture, it has become acceptable and normal to pepper our conversations with “white lies,” stretched truthfulness, and outright bold faced lies.
Have you ever told your kids to tell someone you’re not there when they called you at an inconvenient time? You just taught your kids that it’s okay to lie if it keeps you from being inconvenienced.
How about those special family traditions like the man in the red suit? Dare we? Do your traditions include the jolly fat guy or the furry deliverer of eggs? I know for many these are almost sacred traditions. Would you be offended if I said these are not just harmless fairy tales? I have nothing personally against either Santa or the Easter Bunny, but I do have a concern when we teach them to our children as “truth.” The truth is, you’re telling them a lie. Have you ever looked at it from your child’s perspective? If you would deceive them about Santa and the Easter Bunny, in your child’s mind might you be deceiving them about a man who died 2,000 years ago to take away their sins?
As Christians, we are to rightly divide the word of truth. If our children can’t trust our word, who can they trust? I remember how devastated and betrayed I felt when I found out the Easter Bunny and Santa were mere myths. I was crushed. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to be honest with them on the front end, spare them the heartbreak of finding out the truth, and retain your integrity in their sight?
We always had fun with our kids on these holidays without loss of our integrity. We hid eggs, we had gifts, we had it all . . . except the myth. Plus, we pointed them to Jesus in all things. Remember the real significance of these holidays, a holy God left his throne in heaven to take the punishment that we deserved, and offered us the gift of eternal life, forgiveness of sins, and the honor of becoming the son or daughter of the King of Kings. What fairytale could possibly surpass that? Don’t settle for a shallow shadow when you can have the real thing.
The bottom line is as in all areas of parenting it all starts in the mirror. You model the standard you want your kids to hit and hopefully exceed. There may be areas where you need to ask your family’s forgiveness for your lack of truthfulness.
Keep Your Eye in the Rear View Mirror
I was driving down the road the other day and noticed a car coming up on me that made me laugh out loud. The front end of this car looked like a clown with a giant Botox induced smile. Don’t the designers look at their own designs before they put them into production? It was the most bizarre thing I’d seen in a while, a car with a grill that made a huge creepy grin. I thought, “Who would buy that?” Obviously, the guy behind me. I hope he got a great deal. Then a thought occurred to me, “Do I do that?” Like an artist splattering paint on a canvas, each day, we are creating our life, our parenting, our marriage, our career. How often do we take the time to stop, stand back and look at the big picture we are creating? We can get swept up in the act of living and forget the art of living. There was a time when I felt that life was just running away with me and I was just along for the ride. After much prayer, tears, and resistance I finally got it through my head that if I wanted something different, I needed to start a new routine. This has really helped me slow down and let my creativity catch up with me and ironically increase my productivity. I get up earlier and just quiet myself for about 15 minutes. I just sit quietly and reflect and journal. Then I pray, read, and prepare for my day. It’s like looking in the rear view mirror ahead of time. As a result I’m finding that I start my day with more joy and peace and with clearer direction. It’s helping me own the creation of my life by the power of the Spirit. What routines do you have that help you keep the big picture of your life in focus? Do they allow you to reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly and make adjustments to keep you on track, or get you back on track? Don’t let your life create you when you can create your life.
Setting Sail in 2013
Have you ever felt like your life was out of control? At the end of the day do you have more tasks than day? So, do you try to fix it by working late into the night trying to catch up, but you’re not, and falling behind just is not an option for a type A personality. It’s like standing on the shore and watching your priorities set adrift and you can’t swim, or at least you think you can’t, so you just watch them sail into the sunset as you stand on the shore with that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Lately, I’ve been praying about the course of my life for 2013, I want it to be a better year than 2012. Not that 2012 was bad, I just want to keep growing, I want to be a better me. I want to touch more lives, impact people in a more meaningful way, and make a bigger footprint in the sand. The problem is, I’m out of time. I feel like I’m running from the time I get up until late into the night. So, how can I ever get to this better me? Well lately, the Lord keeps bringing vessels my way with what I believe is the answer. I always think of myself as a “night person” I hate, let me repeat that for emphasis, hate getting up early. Well, that is about to change. First, I listened to a blog by Michael Hyatt on why you should get up early. It struck a cord in my heart, but I resisted. Then, I got the opportunity to review a book for Andy Traub called “Early to Rise.” It was a fun and compelling case for being an early riser that broke it down into easy to follow steps. It was one of those “Ah Ha” moments. I realized that if I were going to regain control of my shipwrecked priorities it was going to require some change, so this is the first day on the way to the new me – the early riser. I invite you to sail with me on this journey and see what exotic ports we discover. I’m expecting to find some beautiful places called peace and joy!
A New Kind of Resolution for 2013
In January, tradition has it that we make a bunch of resolutions that the average person keeps for up to 14 days. This year, I have a suggestion to break with tradition. Do something that will make a real and lasting change in your life for the better. I recently was introduced to a book that really changed my perspective on some difficulties I was going through. I am so impressed with the contents of this book that I am going to make it required reading for anyone I counsel. The book, “40 Days to a Joy-filled Life,” has a profound impact starting with “Day 1” if you have an open and teachable heart. Can you say instant gratification? I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to have a more joyful and peaceful life. If you want to skip the New Year hype this year, try curling up by the fire with this great book based on the principles of Philippians 4:8. Paul wrote this book while he was imprisoned and some writers believe he was waist deep in waste at the time of his writing, and yet Philippians was his most joy-filled book. Paul was an expert at getting above his circumstances and experiencing the joy and peace that are rightfully ours in Christ. God never promised us a bed of roses, but He did promise the grace, joy, and peace to get through any trial by doing it His way. You can decide to exchange good for great in 2013, by allowing Tommy Newberry to mentor you in the ways of joy. The book is made up of mini chapters followed by “Activate Drills” to assist you in implementing the principles the author has just discussed. This great book is only about $10 on amazon.com. Invest in yourself and those who get to live with you, become a joy carrier in 2013!
Christmas Memories
When I was a little girl life rolled along at a dull steady hum. A big time for me was getting to go to the grocery store with a parent, or making mud pies in the backyard. But Christmastime that was a different story, it was a special and magical time for me. It was filled with lights, the aroma of fresh cut evergreens and activity like parties with ladies in sparkling sequined gowns and gentlemen in handsome tailored suits. And the food . . . oh my! Appetizers were the centerpiece all our holiday festivities. My favorites were the smoked oysters. Yes, I know I was a strange child. But like any red-blooded American child, the highlight of the season was getting to visit Santa at Macy’s to deliver my wish list. I was not a greedy child, I usually just told him that I would love anything he brought me, but it was always good to touch bases with him to make sure he didn’t forget me altogether. On Christmas Eve we always had a big party. It was one of the best days of the year for me because I got to stay up extra late and my father always came. My parents were divorced and I never gave up on the “Parent Trap” syndrome. After the party, I would get in my jammies, and put out Santa’s cookies and milk, then I would go to bed to wait. At least my parents thought I was in bed, but as soon as the lights were out, I leaped into action and took my place for “the wait.” My room had a glass door that led to the patio and you could see into our living room from certain angles. I remember kneeling by my door peeking into the living room waiting for Santa to arrive. What a thrill when I saw a tiny light dancing around the Christmas tree! “Santa!” I strained as hard as I could to catch a glimpse of the jolly fat-guy, but he always alluded me. But knowing he’d been there allowed me to hop back in bed for a peaceful night’s sleep knowing my gifts would be waiting under the tree for me in the morning.
I remember when I discovered that Santa was not real, I was absolutely crushed! When we had children of our own, we elected to let Santa be a part of our celebration on a more honest level. We wanted our children to know that Jesus was the reason for Christmas. We felt if we lied to them about the jolly fat guy that they might think we were lying about Jesus as well. Our children never felt slighted and they always knew they could trust our word.
What are some of your favorite Christmas rituals?
Back to Basics
Some pundits tell us that the economy has turned around and we are in an economic upswing. All I know is that the number of children our congregation members adopted from our own congregation this year has increase five times over last year’s number. Doesn’t sound like much of an upswing to me. However, looking for the silver lining, no matter what state you find yourself in, there is always something to be thankful for. Maybe this is a good opportunity to pare back on the elaborateness of Christmas and just enjoy each other and have a simple old fashioned good time. Whatever happened to handmade gifts? Aren’t they the best kind, the ones with love in them? Corporate America flaunts the term that “Less is more.” Maybe we need to adopt that credo into our personal lives as well. What are some of your best holiday traditions, things that make you feel close as a family? If you have some please share them with us. What activities grow you closer as a family around the holiday season? We all need each other in the good times and bad. Let’s get simple again!
Ho! Ho! Woes or Joy, Joy, Joy?
It’s that time of year again when we’re all scurrying to and fro like a bunch of squirrels trying to stash the last acorn of the season before another squirrel gets to it first. It’s easy to lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas as well as your sanity in all the commercialism. But despite it all, there’s something about this time of year that brings the philanthropist out in even the stingiest skinflint. Despite all the efforts to remove every mention of Christ from Christmas, His Spirit reaches out and mankind is filled with an uncontrollable desire to give. We give because He first gave. It was God’s joy to give us His Son, because He loves us. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son.” John 3:16 What parent isn’t filled with joy and anticipation as they watch their child unwrap that special gift? Our Father is waiting to see if we’ll unwrap His gift and invite Him into our holiday celebrations this year. Let the peace of God reign in your hearts this holiday season as you keep the real gift at the center of your festivities! The best gift you could give your family is a peaceful joy-filled you!
Mirror Mirror on the Wall Here is Where My Priorities Fall
When was the last time you told your child that you loved them? Not with a new toy or gift, but with your mouth and with your time. Things can’t replace your time and attention. Have you ever told your child, “Of all the children on the planet I am so grateful to God that He gave you to me to parent.”
Let your child know that he is a priority to you. Most rebellion has it’s root in hurt and bitterness caused by unfulfilled promises, the feeling of being unimportant or undervalued, divorce etc. Telling isn’t enough, it’s a start, but not enough. The only way you show your child that they are a priority is by an investment of yourself and your time.
The short time that you have with your children can never be relived. Believe me, if you’re a young parent it goes so fast that before you know it you’re sitting at their graduation wondering where the time went? Don’t make these thoughts ones of regret. Invest wisely. Invest in your children’s lives, you’ll never regret it. I would never encourage anyone to be a poor housekeeper, but I will never forget something a friend of mine once told me. “Your children won’t remember what the house looked like, but they will remember the time that you spent with them.” Please keep this statement in balance. If your home looks like the city dump and your children are ashamed to bring their friends home, get out that shovel and get busy because our homes are supposed to be a haven for our families. But if no one is allowed to sit on the furniture, ask God to forgive you for your misplaced values and loosen up a little. I remember when I was growing up, we had two chairs in our front room that no one, except company could sit in. I’d say, “Mom, why do you have chairs if you can’t sit in them?” I didn’t grow up in a home, I grew up in a museum. The rules of the house were don’t touch, don’t sit, don’t breathe. We had a beautiful house, but it wasn’t a home. Keep your priorities straight, keep first things first. Your priorities should be: God, your spouse, your children, then your career and down the line. Anything else is out of balance. When things are out of balance life doesn’t work well. Think of your tires when they are out of balance, they can make a 3,000 pound car shimmy and shake. Keep your family in spiritual balance, you’ll avoid the pitfalls and traps the enemy is trying to set for you and your family. Make it a habit to tell your kids you love and believe in them often. Then follow up your words with the undeniable proof . . . your time. Again, our priorities should be: God, spouse, kids, then everything else.
Anything else is out of order. You teach your kids about marriage by how you treat your spouse. Treat your spouse like you would would want to see your kids treating their spouses. It’s the biggest favor that you can ever do for them. You will spend the rest of your life with your spouse. Your kids will only be in your home for a few years. Don’t build your life around your kids exclusively or you’ll find yourself staring at a stranger when the nest is empty. Date your spouse for the rest of your life. Make your priority a healthy family.
Excerpt from “Parenting Through the Mirror” to be released later this year.
Forget the Cookie Cutter
Isn’t it strange how you think you have parenting nailed down with your first child, and then another child comes along and breaks all the rules you thought you had figured out? Little Johnny is confident, then along comes little Mary, and you’d think you beat her daily. She has no self esteem at all. Our first-born had the energy of three kids, he was born angry because he couldn’t walk and he worked insistently toward mobility until he literally ran at nine months. I have a picture of him at just a few weeks old with his head up looking over the edge of his basinet. At least his eager persistence got me wall to wall carpeting. It was like making him a padded room so he wouldn’t kill himself. He was the textbook strong-willed child. He knew what he wanted and look out if you got in between him and his goal. Then our daughter came along and if you even indicated that you might be even slightly displeased with what she had done, she was crushed. If we had handled her in the same manner as our son, we would have destroyed her. Heather was disciplined to the max, detail oriented, don’t dare tell her it was three when it was three and a quarter. Then along came number three, and life was good for him, he was mister even keel, happy and stable. He rarely needed correction or discipline, but he needed motivation. So with every child we had to adjust our approach. Think of Jesus, He never dealt with two people in the same way. In Mark 8:32 we find Jesus healing a blind man by spitting in his eyes, shortly after that in Mark 10, he heals Bartimaeus by just saying “Your faith made you well.” In John 9, He makes mud with spit and dirt and puts it into the guys eyes and he is healed. Three men and three different solutions to the same problem. If Jesus wasn’t married to cutter cutter techniques we shouldn’t be either. Our children are unique and special creations with individual giftings and callings. We need to treat each one as a rare and precious gift. “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14 We are also responsible before God to seek Him for direction for each of our children. And when we get stumped, who better to ask for advice than the Creator?
scourtneylawson 