For some of us, it’s easy to focus on the 10% others do wrong instead of focusing on the 90% that they do right.
Unfortunately, what you focus on tends to get bigger. I believe a common reason people fall into the trap of focusing on the 10% deficiency is because that person is making them look bad.
This is especially common in the parent child relationship. The parent feels their child’s actions are a direct reflection on them. Basically, “You make me look bad.”
This was one I struggled with for a long time as a parent. It boiled down to I was more concerned about what others thought of me. I felt like my kids actions short of perfection reflected negatively on me. It was not only selfish, I cheated my kids out of some valuable growth experiences. If the truth be told, I probably added some scars to their souls as well.
The Bible flat out warns us not to go there.
Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” msg
What helped me to get over this, was when it happened to me. It’s probably happened to you too. I’m sure you can think of examples of when someone, a parent, a spouse, a boss, tended to focus on what you did wrong and never or rarely praised for what you did right. What happened? I bet you felt defeated, or maybe it made you angry? Or, worst of all, did it make you want to give up?
Now, a little heart check, do you do to others what you hate having done to you?
I’m not advocating overlooking positive correction, but I’m recommending in all your relationships you focus far more of your energy on encouraging others in what they do right.
Proverbs 12:25 tells us, “Anxious hearts are very heavy, but a word of encouragement does wonders!” TLB
We all have enough sources telling us everything we do wrong. The really great thing is when we focus on the 90% right, the 10% usually self corrects. So make a choice to affirm what others do right daily and tell them.
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S. Courtney Lawson
Writer and speaker Sandy Lawson recently hit two Amazon.com best-seller lists with the new business book, "Transform," co-authored with best-selling author and speaker Brian Tracy.
Sandy Lawson serves as a Care Pastor at Element Church, in Wentzville Missouri, one of the fastest growing churches America. Sandy recently joined noted business development expert, best-selling author and speaker, Brian Tracy, along with a select group of the world's leading experts, to co-author the book titled, Transform: The World's Leading Entrepreneurs and Professionals Get to the Heart and Soul of Transforming your Life, Business & Health. The book was released on September 18, 2014 by CelebrityPress™ - a leading business book publisher.
On the day of release, Transform reached best-seller status in two Amazon.com categories - reaching as high as #6 in the "Direct Marketing" category. The book also reached best-seller status in the "Marketing and Small Business" category. Sandy contributed a chapter titled, "The Relationship Transformation...Taking Relationships From Terminal to Transformed."
Sandy Lawson has over 30 years of experience partnering with her husband, Kip, in family ministry and outreach. She's had the privilege of serving on staff at three mega churches prior to Element Church. In addition, she and her husband also had the honor of building the bus ministry of the Oneighty Youth Group at Church on the Move in Tulsa, Oklahoma from 400 riders weekly to nearly 1,500 riders each week.
Her biggest joy is coaching people in their personal relationships and helping them reach their God-given potential. She and her husband have helped hundreds of couples turn failing marriages into happily-ever-afters, as well as assisting parents in their quest to create healthy thriving families. In their career, Sandy and her husband have been a major influence in the lives of thousands of children, teens, and adults around the world. Sandy is the mother of three, and the grandmother of eight wonderful grandkids. She and her husband have been married over 46 years.
She is the author of a parenting book, "Parenting Through the Mirror" which explores the concept that great parenting must begin with personal transformation. She is also the author and illustrator of a children's geology book, "Iggy and the Volcano" that teaches kids the cycle of igneous rocks. Sandy is a freelance writer, speaker, blogger and was a major contributor to an internationally distributed children's curriculum.
After such a successful release, Sandy Lawson will once again be recognized by The National Academy of Best-Selling Authors™, an organization that honors authors from many of the leading independent best-seller lists.
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